Bumps in the River
Our family has an annual tradition of embarking on a journey to the ‘far, far away cabin’ (a term coined by one of our kids during the long trek up there!) in northern Michigan. This vacation presents the opportunity for all kinds of outdoor adventures. At first, the adventures included hiking, fishing, camping, and riding ATV’s. Somewhere along the line, however, kayaking became the main event. (Ben loves to fish. I love the outdoors. But when we start getting more mosquito bites than fish bites, my patience fades fast!) Kayaking became the bridge of compromise between us. He could fish all he wanted, and when I got bored, I had an escape route… via my own kayak!
When our kids were toddlers, we strapped them up in life vests & plopped them right in the kayak with us. They learned to love it, too, and it wasn’t long before they wanted to pilot their own kayak. With a bit of motherly trepidation and lots of fatherly “you’ve got to let them find their wings, honey,” (or, in this case, their fins?) we decided it was time to turn the paddles over to them.
When August rolled around that year, we loaded up the kayaks, drove the eight hours to the far, far away cabin, and prepared for our first kayaking adventure with kids on their own. We packed the snacks, the drinks, the towels, the life jackets, the extra clothes, more snacks. We loaded up the kayaks, drove to the take-off point, unloaded the kayaks, relocated the trucks, and dropped in on the middle branch of the Ontonagon River. Ben led the way with our two oldest following, and I, Mama Bear, brought up the rear. As we began floating, my eyes scanned the scene for anything that might present a danger to my darlings… a downed log, a submerged boulder, white rapids, a rogue bear.
Periodically, I’d see Ben up ahead get hung up on a rock. With his extensive experience on boats and rivers (he was a fishing guide in Alaska before we got married for nearly a decade!), I wasn’t surprised to see him tactically position himself to remain upright and balanced as he maneuvered out of the precarious situation he’d stumbled upon. But I braced myself to play the rescuer as Grant and Wyndsor headed toward the impending impact with the submerged obstacle Ben had just revealed.
But to my surprise, they floated right over the place that had nearly capsized Ben. Again and again this same phenomenon occurred as we continued the journey down the river. Ben in the lead would discover a submerged boulder that would nearly send him swimming in the choppy waters while our children would sail right over it. Apparently, their weight was not yet adequate to displace enough water to bump these boulders hidden in the river, and certainly not be capsized by them!
As I grinned over the irony that I had fretted over a smooth experience for my children when Ben’s ended up being the bumpy ride, I realized a truth the drives my intention as a parent today…
Our faith walk is very much like this river float. The boulders that threaten to capsize our faith present themselves at every turn. Sometimes we can see them a hundred yards away and plan our moves around them - a blatant lie, a bad idea, a false teacher. Often, however, they are submerged just below the surface, unnoticed until our kayak is tipping and the water pouring in.
I believe most of the world’s lies are of this kind – bad ideas submerged slightly beneath the beautiful, pristine waters of cultural virtue; lies wrapped in an enticing, but thinly veiled, truth.
When our kids are young, they float right over those boulders, not even realizing that there existed a danger lurking beneath the surface. The lies present themselves in sneaky ways - a fleeting comment embedded in a ‘harmless’ cartoon, an ‘inspiring’ commercial designed to empower young girls, a tag-line message printed on clothing…
These messages are not even a blip on their radar… yet. They’ll float right over them without a second thought. But, parents, that’s how the evil one works! If you hear it enough, it begins to implant itself in your subconscious. Even we, as adults, become less sensitive to the anti-biblical lies flooding our culture right now. But if these lies get planted in the minds of our children while they are young enough to sail over them, they may eventually present a danger to their faith. We must train them to recognize the lie before it becomes a slippery slope into a life of compromise.
Just as I sat back and analyzed the river for possible dangers, we as parents must analyze our children’s paths that are littered with cultural lies. They may float right over the dangers now, but we must teach them how to recognize the lies so that when they are bigger and their ‘kayak’ sinks deeper, they’ll be ready to maneuver through, or around, the boulders.
Next time, I’ll dive deeper into some commonly used tactics of protecting our kids from the dangerous lies of the world... and give you my take on which works best.
In the meantime, spend time helping your children reflect on the experiences they had during their day. What did they learn in school? What interactions did they have with their classmates? Their friends? Their teachers or coaches? Were there things they heard in school that align with what you as parents are teaching? Things that don’t align?
This exercise will help you flush out any of these ‘submerged boulders’ that they are sailing over now but may threaten to capsize their faith as they grow. Plus, it will serve them well as they grow and mature into faith-filled adolescents and adults.
Here are a couple tactics I use to motivate the conversation past one-word answers so commonly given by children and adolescents:
1. Highs, Lows, and Buffalos (Get them talking!)
Encourage your children to reflect on their day by highlighting the good, the bad, and the ugly (or amazing!). Buffalos are things that take them by surprise, the unexpected incidents that come as unforeseen blessings or frustrations. Sometimes this is just a ploy to get them talking. But, sometimes this tactic actually flushes out things that happened during their day which affected them in significant ways. Either way, this tactic helps establish a pattern of thinking through their day in order to reflect and analyze their experiences. And, it builds a habit of communicating with you!
2. Red flags, Green flags, and Somewhere-in-between flags (Now go deeper!)
This is a tactic I use to encourage my kids to use their critical thinking skills. Green flags are the things they learned in school that align with what you are teaching at home. Red flags would be clear deviations from your instruction or family values. Somewhere-in-between flags are ideas or concepts they are not yet sure about.
Any of these ‘flags’ might come in the form of curriculum, interactions with friends, things they see on the playground/lunchroom, experiences they had during extracurricular activities, etc. Training our children to think critically through the messages the world is throwing at them is a crucial skill for kids growing up in this post-modern (post-truth) culture!
Finally, remember to always be on alert for teachable moments and use your discernment on when the best time to do the teaching occurs. It might be right in that moment. It might be later that evening at bedtime. It may be the next day. Bookmark the moment in your mind and don’t forget to come back to it. It might be one of the greatest lessons they’ll ever learn.
In the fire with you,
Toni
PS. Interested in going deeper? Teach your children more than what to believe… teach them WHY they believe it! Take a look at my Young Defenders of Faith Apologetics Curriculum for a deeper look at why Christianity is true.