Building a Bridge of Communication

I live in Michigan.  Michigan is a state with an incredible medley of unique quirks and distinct characteristics that make it different from all of the other nifty-fifty.  For one, it is a two-part state.  For two, those two parts are surrounded almost completely by lakes. And the two-part state is separated by two of those lakes.  Let me explain.  Lake Huron and Lake Michigan come together in the Straits of Mackinaw creating a giant chasm of turbulent waters that separate the state into what locals call the Upper Peninsula and the Lower Peninsula.  Up until only the last half-century or so, those two peninsulas were very tricky to traverse.  So tricky, in fact, that most people would not even venture to try.  The Lower Peninsula folk were missing out on some remarkable geographical features that make for spectacular outdoor adventures.  The folks of the Upper Peninsula (the U.P.) or Yoopers as some might call them, were often cut off from the more urban parts of civilization giving them a quirky, (though endearing!) reputation.  This chasm of water that separated them kept both sides from enjoying the depths and wonders of this magnificent state.

          A massive undertaking to construct a bridge between the estranged fragments of Michigan began in 1954. Over the next three and a half years the construction of the bridge continued despite the hazardous conditions of freezing winters and spring storms.  It continued amidst the turbulent waters and unimaginable odds.  But on November 1, 1957, the great Mackinac Bridge opened to the public finally providing a solid connection between the divided state.  And to this day, this bridge continues to bless travelers from all over the world.

 
Do you ever feel estranged from your child?  Separated by a chasm of frustration at his poor choices, confusion at her roller-coaster emotions, or just a general lack of understanding of why your child acts the way he or she does?  You’re not alone!  As your child grows, so does her desire to gain independence and discover the world on her own.  The turbulent waters of adolescence often separate parents from children, just as Michigan was once separated from itself.  You might be afraid that your child is missing out on the depths and wonders of life when they dismiss those words of wisdom you’ve prepared just for them.  They might be looking at you like you’re the quirky, yet endearing parents that no longer have a grasp on ‘cool’.   Let not your heart be troubled!  You can begin building a bridge of communication despite the chasm that you might fear is developing between you. 

Here are a few ideas I’m rolling around in our home:

1.     Develop a habit of communication: Schedule specific times into your day that you are intentional about “chatting” with your children.  This doesn’t have to be a deep conversation every time.  In fact, most times it won’t be.  But you are developing a habit of talking.  It starts here!  Need some ideas?  I’ll go into more detail in the next blog.

2.     Study your child: Every child is unique in their communication style, just as every adult is.  There are a plethora of personality tests that have been developed just to help people communicate better.  You could consider these.  Or, you could just take some time to really think about how you’ve been successful in communicating with your child in the past.  Does he want you to give advice, or just listen?  Does she need time to process her emotions before discussing them with you? If you are an expert in anything, be an expert at knowing your child! 

3.     Don’t burn the bridge you built!  Once you’ve begun building a bridge by making conversation a habit and studying how your child communicates, be careful about how you respond when they open up in deeper ways.  How you respond when they open their heart is pivotal!  Don’t lose your head when they tell you something that upsets you.  They need to trust that you are going to be able to work through issues together, even if it totally freaks you out!  Be patient. Be humble.  Be compassionate. And always show love.  Let the words of James 1:19 guide you:

 My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this:
Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry…

Remember, building a solid bridge takes time and effort.  Don’t expect it to happen overnight.  But, tonight is a great time to start laying the foundation!  You can do this!  Both you and your child will benefit in tremendous ways for it!

If you want some questions to ask to get you started, click here to print some ideas!